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Litigation is not the way
Article by Jean-Marce Malliate, InterMEDIATE
It is believed that most minor conflicts can be sorted out by mature adults, who are willing to consider the other person's needs and interests. Prior to, during and even after separation and divorce, despite our best efforts, conflict can remain unresolved and escalate. When this happens stress increases. Flight and fight behaviours are fuelled by negative emotions. The tensions and memories of the disputes remain. Other disputes are now more likely. Finally one person gives in and removes themselves from the scene or there is a major emotional and sometimes physically violent altercation.
Early intervention of disputes is the key to prevention and resolution of conflict. Whereas mismanagement of disputes can result in escalation of conflict, low self-esteem, stress, horrendously expensive litigation, abuse, and violence.
Conflict is highly damaging to families. Children caught in the crossfire have a very high risk of harm. Parents rarely understand the very real damage caused by their fighting.
Jean-Marcel Malliaté explains how mediation seeks to resolve conflict in a way that best suits all parties without going to court. "Firstly, mediation is non-adversarial, so no-one's position is challenged, and as parties are not threatened, there is no need to fight. In mediation, all issues are uncovered, explored, and discussed, options are generated and fair solutions sought.
It can be done.
People can sort out their problems, get on with their lives and remain respectful, if not friendly with the "other side". Skilled mediators are impartial and non-judgemental. Mediation is confidential so that parties can speak freely, openly and honestly express their feelings.
To be most effective mediation requires 2 mediators. With a male and a female mediator at each session, both parties feel understood with a greater realisation of impartiality and confidence. Accredited and highly skilled mediators are able to guide parties respectfully to understanding each other's position, needs and interests, ensuring each party is being clearly heard and understood. Within a highly structured process and with meaningful discussion, options that suit both parties are generated.
Because agreements are made by the parties themselves, reality tested and future paced by the mediators, they are robust and most likely to be adhered to in the long run. This is completely different from having a decision imposed upon them by a court of law that may not suit anybody.
Litigation is not the way to sort out relationship matters. Judges and magistrates are not equipped to make such decisions. It is so incredibly expensive that it can actually send children into poverty.
Article by Jean-Marce Malliate, InterMEDIATE
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