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Becomming a life coach
While going through the legal process I became aware that fear, anger, blame and frustration could be the driving forces in an already traumatic situation. I realised that these emotions were undermining sensible decisions and creating bitter and vitriolic circumstances and feelings that then created less give in the legal process. We were fighting over money but not really about money. We were fighting from fear of the future and thought we each needed more to look after only ourselves.
With this understanding and I should say that we spent on solicitors about the same as we were fighting about. I started thinking about how to take some of the anger and fear out of the situation. I came up with two concepts that we have available at Baume and Company. Divorce Coaching and Practical help.
Our Practical help is just that. In most relationships the jobs are divided between the couple so that when a split comes along there are certain jobs that an individual does not know how to do. In a traumatic situation such as divorce, time is taken up with new and daunting legal and emotional issues. If on top of this, time is poor, skills are missing, and starting again is made difficult the emotional overload can turn into anger at the other party. Baume and Company have brought together specialists in many fields to help get these jobs done quickly and easily and in doing take the stress out of the unknown. I remember having to sell my home, pack, find accommodation, rent for the first time, connect utilities, deal with accountants, learn to be computer literate to pay bills, etc. My spouse had to decorate a home, buy household items, cook, clean, wash, hang curtains, buy the right electrical goods, all while working full time. Having these extra jobs to do and being unsure how to do them did not make for an easy transition. I believe if people can unclutter their ‘to do list’ they can get on with making the right decision for themselves and their families.
Divorce coaching is a new concept in Australia with only a few of us practicing in this field. A divorce coach partners an individual through the process of separation. Divorce coaching is different to normal life coaching. A set program, as such, is not appropriate. The different issues that arise are dependant on the progress of the separation. Divorce coaching is often client led, meaning the client has new worries or issues coming up weekly that need to be dealt with so they can continue on an even keel, coping with all aspects of their lives, discovering the issues that have led them to the present and working out what it is they want in the future.
I studied coaching to become a divorce coach. Going through my divorce I found that neither I nor my spouse had the emotional back up required for the trauma we found ourselves in. I did not feel I needed a therapist, I really didn’t need to talk about the marriage, what I did need was help making good decisions about the present and future. And as with many people who feel the same way I did not get any professional emotional help at all.
I came through my divorce, like many other people, with little understanding about the next step and made some bad decisions because I did not have a plan. I was not living where I wanted, was not sure about the work I needed to do to support myself and my children. In fact, while the divorce was in progress the only aim I had was to get it over and done with. It was a shock to come out after settlement and have to think ‘now what’.
At the time a friend of mine was setting up a personal assistant company. This and the knowledge that I and my spouse could have done better through our divorce sparked the thought for what I do now.
Combining practical help with forward focused coaching is the basis for finding equilibrium faster. I love the work I do and watch with great satisfaction and delight as my clients go through their divorces learning more about themselves and coming out to start new lives with high amounts of self respect and self confidence.
Article supplied by Nicola Baume www.baumeandco.com.au |